You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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