Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
