look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
