I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
