I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
