the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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