so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
