I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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