I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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