JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
