We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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