Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
