I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
