this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
