Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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