What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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