I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
