she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
