I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
