Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
