oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize