i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
