I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
