Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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