I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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