Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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