JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
