can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
