K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have tasted many bathrooms
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