Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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