Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
