shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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