I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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