a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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