I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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