is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize