how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
