Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
