just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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