Sorry, I don't speak sober.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
