Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
