Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize