I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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