...so i touched it.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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