my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
