I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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