this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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