dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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