I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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