just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So here I am, sexting at work.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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