She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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