Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
