At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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