I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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