Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
