All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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