i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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