I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
