Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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