I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
