I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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