She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
