There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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