the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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