you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
