dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
