how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
