you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
